I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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