Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
