i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
