He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
