Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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