i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
