i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize