Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
