I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
