hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
