I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
