This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
