Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
