Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
