I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
