I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
