I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
