I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
