Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
