we have pet lesbian snakes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I have post one night stand depression
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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