Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
