After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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