Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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