he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
