just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
