i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
