lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The Olympian is in my bed
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
