??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
