My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
