As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
