i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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