so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When are your genitals available?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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