I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
