New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Green mimosas i think yes
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
