Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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