I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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