doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
