are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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