btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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