We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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