Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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