my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
