I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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