My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
