He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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