theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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