sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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