you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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