he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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