she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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