I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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