Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
