some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
