I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I love you.
Bad choice
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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