remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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