just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
