if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We had sex on a dog bed..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize