Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize