oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i need to put some appletini on your dick
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
