Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
there's paper in my vomit.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
