remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it glows. i had to have it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
