i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
