if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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