I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
